2003-03-25 - 7:04 a.m.
it just hit me.
i woke up this morning.
.. saw his face.
and it hit me.
he's leaving.
in a week, he'll be gone. he'll be in ohio for a while, visiting family, and than, after that, he'll be in chicago.
.. and i don't know what i'm going to do. not having him here is gonna hurt. we have a strong relationship. we're most definitely gonna be together well after he gets back from chicago in six months.
but.. a piece of me will be missing when he's in chicago. that is something i can't help.
.. and i hate that the greatest person i know.. the one person i can trust w/all of my feelings.. will be miles away.
from me.
from my heart.
.. holding it in sucks. i've always been a strong person when it comes to goodbyes.
but this one? it's different.
.. saying goodbye to the person you love.. the one guy that makes your heart beat when he sends that smile across a room just for you.. the one guy that still secretly sends kisses out of the corner of his mouth.. the one guy that holds you oh so tightly and makes you feel the warmth of his heart in that one embrace.. the only guy that can make all my worries go away w/one kiss.. the one guy that makes me feel safe in his embrace.
saying goodbye was never easy, i knew that.
.. it's seven in the morning. and my eyes are tearing up ..
if they are tearing up now, how will they be next week when he gets in that car and drives away..
i don't know if i can do it. i don't know how i'm gonna place my fragile heart in his hands and let him get in that car and drive.. it's been hurt far too many times.. and watching my heart drive away in the only hands i've ever trusted.. in a way, it scares me.
.. i love him. and i know love is probably the most amazing thing [for a lack of a better word] ever.
i'm just scared.
he'll pull me in his arms, knowing that i'm scared, tell me he loves me w/all of his life..
.. and drive.
this is my time to shine, tho. prove that i can do it.
that i can trust him.
that i love him.
as scary as it seems, i can do it.
letting him walk out of my life will be a lot harder than parting from him for six months.
.. i think i'm gonna go. i just needed to get a few things off my chest.
back to sleep i go.
